The sadness of headstones

W. A. and Elizabeth
Montgomery's monument

That's me--
self-consciously

I don’t know why finding the graves of my ancestors is so fulfilling. Perhaps there is a connection established that says, “This is partly who I am.” Standing in the Montgomery Family cemetery south of Blue Ridge was a moving experience for me. The cemetery is almost ruined; the headstones are weathered almost beyond recognition; thorns are growing so thickly that one can barely walk through them; trees are rotting and falling over into the fenced-off plot. (If someone doesn’t clean it up soon—and keep it relatively clean—I am afraid the owners of the land will soon decide to sweep away the fence and plow it under.) Nevertheless, I straightened up the monument that marked the graves of my great-great-grandfather and my great-great-grandmother (Waightstill Avery and Elizabeth Montgomery) and ran my fingers over the letter cut into the weathered rock. It was almost as though I could feel their living presence.

Old Liberty Cemetery

You can imagine the disappointment I felt when I came to the Old Liberty cemetery north of Farmersville. It is a beautiful old graveyard, with green grass and shady trees. However, out of over 150 graves, only about 30 of them have headstones remaining on them. Some of them have fallen over and were broken; others were shattered by vandals; others were probably never marked or marked only by wooden crosses. I know that my great-great-great-uncle, Drayton Lough, was buried here, but no evidence of his grave remains. I suspect that my great-great-grandfather and –mother, J. R. and Mattie Lough, were buried here, but neither proof nor monuments exist. I felt rather sad at losing them—as though they had recently died.

I tried to imagine all the reasons their graves might not have been marked. Perhaps they were simply too poor to afford a decorated headstone. Perhaps there was no one left in the area when they died to mark their graves. (J. J. and Drayton, their sons, were both dead; Lexenia has no doubt left home; Lennie is still in the area—I think—but I wonder what her relationship is with her father after the births of two illegitimate children…) J. R. had remarried the year before he died, to Emma Bradberry, but who knows whether she was in good enough health—or wealthy enough—to mark his grave?

Linnie and Charles Garrett's graves

If that was sad enough, I was particularly struck when I sought the grave of my great-grandmother Linnie and her husband Charles Garrett. The Laurel Land Funeral Home had records that showed both of them were buried in Section 10, Lot 141, graves 1 & 2. I found the graves without much trouble. On one side is buried a Catholic priest; on the other another Catholic priest. Both of these graves had headstones. But the grave of my great-grandmother and her husband was only grassed over.

I wondered why? Too poor to afford headstones when Linnie died? Was Charles too ill to worry about that sort of thing? Were their families alienated from them and no one cared to put up monuments? (Charles was divorced, with one daughter, who might not have been well-disposed toward her father; similarly Linnie’s children were both born out-of-wedlock and may not have desired to oversee the setting of gravestones.) I almost cried at the loneliness of it all; not that one is less significant without grave markers, but there is a sort of loss at looking at these other graves, all with monuments, and these without.

I am, by the way, intending to set a gravestone on the graves of Linnie and Charles, as soon as I save the money: $1331. If anyone else wants to go in on it with me, you would be welcome.